玩轉學校

培養孩子的獨立思考能力

如何培養孩子的獨立思考能力?在生活中就能輕鬆實踐的 8 個技巧

面對沒有標準答案的世界,焦慮,是老師家長在教學、教養道路上最常卡的一道關。想要孩子多吸收知識以面對高度競爭的社會,也希望孩子在紛亂的世代能學好不學壞。好好讀書和培養軟實力雖兩不互相衝突,卻也讓教育成為更沈重、困難的課題。

到底什麼樣的能力才能為孩子的未來保駕護航?身為老師家長又該怎麼教,才能讓孩子「真正」的學會這些關鍵能力?

為什麼眾多能力中,獨立思考這麼重要?

撇除學科,在眾多軟實力當中,獨立思考似乎比起團隊合作、解決問題等能力,更少被提及。我們通常難以想像當孩子具備獨立思考能力時,具體對未來有什麼幫助,更甚者我們也不知道該怎麼培養孩子的獨立思考能力。

到這裡,我們可以先重新看看獨立思考的定義是什麼。

簡單來說,獨立思考的意義與價值,在於當有資訊進入眼前、腦中時,我們能夠以自身的經驗和價值觀進行整理,再依據整理結果,產出自己的選擇和立場。再更直白一點,就是「擁有自己的看法」。

學會獨立思考的孩子,或許在考試成績上不會馬上有太顯著的進步或差異,但比起不具備這項能力的孩子,他們卻能讓父母更安心地放手。因為這項能力能讓孩子,在面對人生每一個選擇時,都能選出那個「更好」的決定。

獨立思考能為孩子帶來的好處

打開獨立思考這道大門,就像是提供孩子一把全新的學習鑰匙。這把鑰匙將帶領他們盤點目前的資源和現況,並運用自己的推理能力,將信息進行整理,並統整成新的想法或標準。這樣的訓練對孩子來說,究竟有什麼樣的好處呢?

一、讓思考成為孩子人生路上最強大的護身符

聽到「讓孩子自己思考」或許對有些人來說,是一個不容易且不太舒服的決定。這樣的訓練是不是會讓孩子逐漸不聽話?我怎麼知道孩子想的這些是對的還是錯的?通常我們在面對這些問題時,最簡單的做法,似乎就是直接替孩子做決定。

回想我們每一個急著為孩子做決定的瞬間,是不是我們總希望能以「過來人」的身份,建議孩子應該怎麼做,會對人生更好?當孩子不聽話時,就急著想改變他,希望他乖乖聽我們的話?

希望孩子聽話,背後真正的心聲,是想保護孩子。但在未來我們無法陪伴孩子走完一輩子時,那些需要孩子獨自面對的人生課題前,又有誰能來給孩子做人生導師?

既然如此,就培養孩子成為自己人生的導師吧!透過思考「為什麼這麼做」及「為什麼不那麼做」,訓練孩子謹慎的面對自己每一次的決定,並為每一個決定負起責任。小至生活、時間的安排與分配,大至未來的科系、人生方向的選擇,那些懂得獨立思考的孩子,因為知道自己為何而選,才能在紛雜的世界裡,走得更穩更踏實。

二、讓孩子主動學習,持續成長

另一個為什麼獨立思考很重要的原因是,孩子需要持續對世界保持好奇。

孩子的「爸爸媽媽!為什麼…」雖然經常令我們頭痛,但這好奇心的體現,正是孩子形塑對世界的認識和想像的重要時刻。但在現代,考試制度和隨處可見的網路影片、遊戲,都正在扼殺著我們孩子的好奇心。

反正考卷只要寫對了就好,不需要知道為什麼;反正我打遊戲就很快樂,不需要去認識世界。當孩子缺乏繼續問「為什麼」的動機時,他將逐漸停止學習與進步。

在英國,一位老師 Esther Wojcicki 曾對他高中的學生們做過一項實驗。他為每個孩子買了一本筆記本,並請孩子們在上課前 10 分鐘,嘗試自由的「寫些什麼」。這聽起來相當簡單吧?但在一開始時,孩子根本寫不出任何東西。

接著老師才開始引導孩子。他拿了報紙,讓孩子閱讀這些新聞和故事。「你覺得昨天這個新聞怎麼樣?」老師這麼問孩子的時候,孩子才開始認真閱讀這些內容。突然之間,他們開始對報紙中的故事、對這世界產生興趣,並將自己的觀點寫在筆記本中。

這位老師為學生創造了問「為什麼」的契機,孩子通常不知道自己為什麼需要去做一件事:不知道為什麼要學數學、不知道為什麼需要認識古代的偉人。但當我們將為什麼重新拋還回給孩子,(例如空白的筆記本),孩子們開始產生好奇時,就能重新定義孩子的學習動機。

除了考好成績、考上好學校外,孩子們值得也應該擁有更強而有力的學習動機。嘗試讓孩子問問題,讓這些「為什麼」來打開獨立思考的大門,在尋找答案的過程中,孩子除了能更有效的學習外,也更知道自己為何而學,讓學習不再只是虛無飄渺的「為了更好的未來」。

三、讓孩子練習為自己的決定負責

當孩子不想寫功課時,大人常見的反應,可能是沒收孩子的手機平板,或是規定不寫功課,就需要面對什麼樣的懲罰。這麼做的結果,孩子大多都會乖乖回到書桌前把功課做完。

但這時在孩子的心中,他想的大概都是「寫功課真的很麻煩,但我不想再被罵了」、「我想要玩遊戲只好先寫功課」。孩子對功課的厭惡大概只會不減反升,但這應該不是希望孩子好好讀書,好讓未來更有競爭力的我們想看見的結果。

如果我們換個方式,選擇和孩子聊一聊呢?孩子不想做功課只想打遊戲的原因,多半是因為遊戲世界更有趣。這時若我們問孩子,每個人一天都只有24小時,你選擇將這些時間拿來玩遊戲,現在雖然很開心,但這個決定可能會導致什麼樣的結果?

這時,孩子可能會慢慢的想到一些答案。

「我現在不寫功課明天可能會被老師罵。」

「我現在不寫功課到時候考試可能就都不會寫了。」

透過這些討論,孩子可能還是會不想寫功課,但比起直接被吼去做功課的孩子,他們對功課的心態,可能會因為這次的討論,而有了完全不一樣的想法。

讓孩子自己最每件事背後的價值,自己做出決定,對比起被罵才乖乖去寫功課,前者的孩子將能夠意識到,往後發生的每一個結果,都是自己的選擇、決定所導致的。這個讓孩子自己做選擇並為自己負起責任的練習,將能夠培養孩子,在做每一件事情前先停一下,稍微想一想再做決定。

這些微小的停頓和思考,將成為往後孩子培養積極主動、挫折忍受度、解決問題、培養自信等關鍵能力時的重要墊腳石。

陪伴孩子獨立思考前,你需要準備好…

如果獨立思考那麼棒,那我們究竟該如何帶孩子一起練習?從上面提到的英國老師的故事中,我們可以發現啟發思考的契機,在於讓孩子對某件事產生好奇,並尋找答案。但落實到我們與孩子的日常中,我們應該怎麼做?身為父母或老師,為了讓我們更了解孩子,並與孩子間有良好的對話品質,我們可以先從事以下的準備工作:

準備工作一:與孩子間建立信任的連結

對孩子來說,有時要能坦白說出內心想法是一件非常困難的事情,特別是正值青春期的孩子們。不論過去我們和孩子之間是怎麼相處的,信任的建立都需要一些時間來累積,尤其是陪孩子一起思考、找尋答案這種全新的對話方式。

若在過去你和孩子間的關係,就經常能進行類似的討論,或是常與孩子聊聊他們的心情,那麼恭喜你,你和孩子間已經有了信任的基礎。如果沒有,你可能會收到孩子抗拒對話的訊號。這時,你可能需要嘗試去了解孩子的想法,慢慢地先從建立雙方的信任開始做起。

一個可以嘗試的技巧,是和孩子一起做一件他喜歡的事情,並熱情的和孩子一起投入這件事。可能是遊戲,或是一部他很喜歡的影劇或卡通。在這個過程中,先成為孩子的朋友,並從旁觀察孩子的反應,以此來拉近與孩子的距離。

準備工作二:放下批評,以積極鼓勵的心態面對孩子

有時我們面對孩子還不成熟的想法時,會急著想告訴他應該怎麼做才對,先放下這些想法。若我們能夠給予孩子一個沒有「標準答案」的空間,孩子往往能發揮得更好。標準答案容易扼殺孩子的想像力,也容易讓孩子漸漸不敢表達自己的想法。

我們可以讓孩子自己動手去找答案,並從旁引導孩子,讓他們自由探索,鼓勵孩子的每一次嘗試和提問。讚美和鼓勵可以支持孩子持續嘗試,即使遇到挫敗也可以快速站起來。在沒有標準答案的世界裡,我們只需陪伴孩子透過思考和找資料,找出更好的那個選擇,就非常足夠了。

如何陪伴孩子訓練獨立思考?

有些人可能會以為,獨立思考代表的是批判性,你要能對事情不抱偏見提出懷疑,與他人展開思辯。或者有人會以為,帶孩子練習獨立思考,就是要跟孩子討論遙遠且龐大的議題,例如死刑存在與否,或是全球暖化問題。

但其實生活當中還有許多可以帶著孩子一起討論的「議題」。從減少假日打遊戲的時間,到不要挑食或浪費食物,每一個我們希望孩子成為的樣子、做出的行為改變,都很值得拿來和孩子聊一聊,從這些生活小事出發,就能逐步培養、建立孩子獨立思考的系統。

接著可以來看看,我們該怎麼從生活中出發,與孩子一同展開思考。

獨立思考步驟一:豐富孩子視野

一、鼓勵孩子多方閱讀

孩子要能咀嚼、消化並產出自己的想法,往往需要有足夠的資料做為基礎。閱讀,就是累積資訊,認識世界的好方法之一。閱讀可以幫助孩子接觸到他從未想像過的議題和觀點,當他們從文章或書中看見他人觀點時,也可以藉此挑戰、調整自己的想法。

二、與新的、不同的人互動

除了同學老師之外,我們也可以多帶孩子去與不同年齡的孩子相處,或是鼓勵孩子傾聽其他大人的故事。與不同背景、環境的人交談和玩耍,可以豐富孩子的世界觀,和對不同的觀點敞開心扉,讓孩子吸收更多不同的資訊。

三、與孩子玩角色扮演的遊戲

我們可以找尋角色扮演的桌遊,或是遊戲,若有更小的孩子,也可以直接陪孩子裝扮成各種角色來演戲或玩遊戲。假裝成不同的角色,能幫助孩子練習換位思考。「如果我現在是….我會怎麼做?」嘗試以不同的觀點來思考問題,能幫助孩子練習以更全面、客觀的角度看待事情。

獨立思考步驟二:鼓勵孩子的「為什麼」

一、多問孩子問題

我們可以在生活中,多拿各式各樣的事情問孩子問題。為什麼葉子是綠色的?為什麼這則新聞裡的人會那麼憤怒?困難的問題可以拓展孩子思考的界限,同時也能刺激孩子對這些問題產生好奇。鼓勵孩子丟出答案,讓孩子感受對問題產生好奇,及挑戰困難問題的過程。

二、鼓勵孩子提問

除問孩子問題外,也可以多鼓勵孩子提出問題。保持孩子對世界的好奇心,鼓勵他們好奇事物的背後是怎麼運作的。在孩子的提問中,始終保持耐心回答孩子的問題,鼓勵孩子保持好奇並給予深思熟慮的答案,會鼓勵孩子始終對學習保持熱情。

獨立思考步驟三:一同決定應該怎麼做

一、鼓勵孩子主動解決問題

在經歷思考過後,我們可以多鼓勵孩子提出解決辦法。如果是生活中遇到的小事,可以怎麼避免問題再發生?如果是新聞中看到的問題,去假設今天是發生在我們身上時,應該可以怎麼處理面對?這步驟能幫助孩子將想法落地,避免過於天馬行空,實際訓練解決問題的能力。

二、鼓勵不同的觀點,並放手嘗試

我們同時可以多鼓勵孩子提出自己的每一個想法。鼓勵、尊重孩子每個意見和點子,並與孩子一起在各種點子和想法中找到一些可實踐的方法,再一同實踐。這個過程能培養孩子的自信心及挫折忍受力,讓孩子練習在多種可能的答案中,找到一個最佳的解決辦法。

三、鼓勵挑戰與失敗

有時,孩子會因為害怕失敗而不願意放膽嘗試。我們可以鼓勵孩子,勇敢的嘗試能讓失敗變得更有價值。來自大人的保護,和孩子自己對自己的保護,有時並不能幫助孩子學習成長。鼓勵孩子從失敗中吸取經驗,有時比告訴孩子標準答案,還更有意義和價值。

從生活中培養獨立思考的練習

這些步驟並沒有一定的優先順序,我們能在適當的時機出現時,多使用這些技巧來培養孩子觀察和決策的能力。這些練習需要時間和孩子一起練習,在一次又一次的過程中,慢慢摸索出自己的價值觀和態度。而生活就是最好的練習契機。這裡最後,我們再看一個如何和孩子展開對話,訓練獨立思考的例子。

有一個孩子一天吃晚餐時,碗裡剩了很多沒吃完的食物,媽媽看見很生氣的告訴他:「不可以浪費食物!你看非洲的小孩都沒東西可以吃了,你還不珍惜,把你碗裡的飯吃光!」

相信這段對話,大家應該都很熟悉,沒對孩子說過,大概也曾聽自己的父母和自己說過。不可以浪費食物的原因,是因為非洲的小孩沒東西吃。這道理的出發點,應該是想告訴我們,我們應該珍惜所擁有的不要輕易浪費。但若孩子問媽媽,所以我把飯吃光,非洲的小孩就有東西可以吃了嗎?

事實是,非洲孩子的饑荒問題,不是我們在餐桌不浪費食物,就能簡單解決的問題。比起透過一個「大家都這麼說」的道理來改變孩子的行為,不如讓我們藉此機會,和孩子開啟一場思考和對話吧?

我們可以好好的和孩子討論,為什麼不應該浪費食物。我們可以先詢問孩子,是什麼原因讓你不想把飯吃完呢?是因為已經吃飽了吃不下,還是飯已經冷掉了吃起來很噁心?

接著我們可以繼續和孩子聊,為什麼我們希望孩子把飯吃光?這時大人自己也可以想一想,是希望培養孩子珍惜不浪費的精神?或是因為辛辛苦苦煮的飯,看見孩子浪費時,我們心中會有一點點不舒服?

我們可以坦誠地和孩子聊聊我們的感受,及為什麼希望他們這麼做。鼓勵孩子對大人的心態提出問題,在雙方有了共識後,陪孩子一起找出解決這個問題的方法。在這個過程中,我們需要讓孩子意識到,這並不是大人單純的命令他該怎麼做。因為他也同時參與了討論和決定,孩子在未來更需要為自己的決定負起責任。

結語

在許多時候,我們總是期待孩子成為什麼樣的大人,具備什麼樣的能力。但若在成長過程中,缺少了我們的引導,孩子要靠自己摸索出一條「成為…的大人」的道路,孩子往往會走的相當辛苦。

有些人總說,想學會騎腳踏車,多摔幾次就會了。人生有時也是如此,但我們往往不忍讓孩子在人生中去承受太痛太嚴重的傷。陪伴、訓練孩子自己保護自己的能力,或許在過程中孩子會感到挫敗和辛苦,但這些訓練和過程,都能成為孩子在未來,面對紛亂世界的黃金鎧甲。

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